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Give him some sheet music. What do a vacuum cleaner and an electric guitar have in common. Both suck when you plug them in. How do you make a bass player turn down the volume? Put a chart in front of him. How many lead guitarists does it take to change a light bulb? None--they just steal somebody else's light. What do you call two guitarists playing in unison? What did the guitarist do when his teacher told him to turn his amplifier on?
He caressed it softly and told it that he loved it. What's the best young single mother dating to play on a guitar? How many bass players does it take to change a lightbulb? They let the keyboard dating a musician jokes do it with his left hand. Just leave it out--no one dating a musician jokes notice.
One, but the guitarist has to show him first. In the 22th century, how many guitar players will you need to replace a light source? One to actually do it, and four to reminisce about how much better the old tubes were. Dating a guy who has daddy issues you hear about the electric bass player who was so bad that even the lead singer noticed?
If you drop an accordion, a set of bagpipes and a viola off a story building, which one lands first? What's the difference between an Uzi and an accordion? The Uzi stops after 20 rounds. What do you call ten accordians at the bottom of the ocean? What's a bassoon good for? Kindling for an accordion fire. What's a accordion good for? Learning how to fold a map. What do you call a group of topless female accordian players? Ladies in Pain Play an accordian--go to jail!
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Never start a trio with a married couple. Your manager's not helping you. Before you sign a record deal, look up the word "recoupable" in the dictionary. No one cares who you've opened for. A string section does not what is the difference between dating and having a thing your songs sound any more "important". If your band has gone through more than 4 bass dating sites uk mobile, it's time to break up.
When you talk on stage you are never funny. If you sound like another band, don't act like you're unfamiliar with their music "Oh does Rage Against The Machine also do rap-rock with political lyrics? Asking a crowd how they're doing is just amplified small talk. Don't say your video's being played if it's only on the Austin Music Network. When you sign to a major label, claim to have inked the best contract ever. Mention "artistic freedom" and "a guaranteed 3 record deal".
When you get dropped insist that it was the worst contract ever and you asked to be let go. Never name a song after your band. Never name your band after a song. Never enter a "battle of the bands" contest. If you do you're already a loser. Learn to recognize scary word pairings: Drummers can take off their shirts or they wear gloves, but not both.
Listen, either break it to your parents or we will; it's rock 'n' roll, not a soccer game. They've gotta stop coming to your new dating site in norway. It's not a "showcase". How many trumpet players does it take to pave a driveway? Seven- if you lay them out correctly. What's the difference between an oboe black widow dating service a bassoon?
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How many guitar players does it take to screw in a dating one and a half months bulb? I can do that! What's the difference between alto clef and Greek? Some conductors actually read Greek. How many concertmasters does it take to change a light bulb? Just one, but it takes four movements.
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Indicates an opportunity for some obscure orchestra player to become a soloist. When you lose your place and have to bluff until you find it again. Used by singers to hide the fact that they are on the wrong pitch. Did you hear about the Tenor who was so arrogant the other Tenors noticed? What do you call a hundred conductors at the bottom of the Ocean? Barenboim, Levine and Mehta all went down in a plane crash. What's the difference between a Lawnmower and a Viola?
How can you tell when a singer is at your door? The can't find the key, and they never know when to come in. How do you get two bass players to play in unison? Hand them charts a half-step apart. What's the difference between a dead chicken in the road, and a dead trombonist in the road? There's a remote chance the chicken was on its way to a gig. What do you call someone who hangs around with musicians?
If you see a conductor and a violist in dating a musician jokes middle of the road, who would you run over first? The conductor, business before pleasure. How do you get a guitarist to play softer?